i don't want to know what you do all day

So yesterday, I wore a bike helmet while bicycling for the first time in about twelve years. I don’t refrain from wearing a bicycle helmet because I think I’m too cool for head protection, or because I’m an idiot, two reasons which were probably responsible for my carelessness in the past, but simply because I’m (really) lazy and because I think it makes my hair look stupid. Most people would probably classify the last reason as another way to say “I’m an idiot,” but I say tomato/tomato.
So the other day, I bit the bullet and wore the helmet, because I recently made a list of things that responsible adults do that make them look like they are not just masquerading foolishly on the threshold of adulthood. I decided to start practicing these things, because I feel like an imposter, and I need all the legitimacy I can get so I can start buying arugula and wine with two digit prices at Whole Foods without feeling like a shoplifter. One of the things on the list has to do with wearing a bike helmet. Most of the others have to do with not drinking on weeknights, so I decided it was in my best interest to start wearing the stupid helmet. I felt really good about myself in the helmet, like I was taking a ton of vitamins at once or something. Speaking of which, I've been having trouble knocking these items off one at a time:

Things Real Adults Do:
-Understand that cigarettes cause lung cancer, pretty much directly
-Not drink to excess on weeknights (work nights?)
-Wear helmets while bicycling
-Read books because they are on best-seller lists
-Make their beds in the morning and always remember to brush their teeth at night
-Laugh at office-related humor
-Believe that neither tights nor leggings are pants, and dress accordingly.
-Look forward to spending money on "housewares," which include, but are not limited to, scented candles and whicker products. Saving up for these things becomes more exciting than blowing one's paycheck on drugs, pink champagne with cutesy labels, or aspirational clothing.
-Moisturize more than "as needed." Probably because this is proven to prevent wrinkles. Psssh.

I know real adults do way more than that all day, I mean, on an intuitive level, but on a purely superficial level, do they, really? This alone seems like quite enough of a struggle.

Also included: picture of me looking like a cracked-out teenager, if only to demonstrate that we've got an uphill battle ahead of us.