There are many things about which adults seem able to consistently extol the virtues, that I fail to find useful in any way. I understand that there are certain non-negotiables that go along with being an adult. One particular aspect of adulthood that I fail to understand, especially as holiday party season approaches, is the enthusiasm directed toward wine glass charms, and the accepted belief that the use of them creates a funky, quirky, generally creative and more fun than normal party atmosphere that is definitely worth upwards of $20 for a set of four. Just…no. I can’t justify the need to “tag” your personal glass of wine with an individualized charm anyway. These seem to come in handy mainly when one is not holding one’s own wine glass, and because I cannot fathom putting the damn thing down long enough to lose track of it, I guess they just seem kind of useless. I also don’t quite own a full set of wine glasses. I had been collecting my mother’s castoffs, until my friends had a champagne party that required the use of my mother’s half broken set, which created a fully broken set by the end of the night. I’ve also managed to steal several mismatched wine goblets and a champagne flute from bars. A classy collection it is not. It would most likely not be drastically improved by affixing some desperate Pottery Barn charms to the stems. Nor would it disguise the fact that over half of the party was still drinking out of stolen pint glasses.
Still, those little guys are pretty cute, and my complete and utter disregard for their usefulness not only makes me feel like a shitty adult, but also a shitty person. Which in turn makes me hate the dumb Rachael Ray wannabes who have already affixed these little reindeer heads to every hostess gift they're going to give this season and are forcing their lack of creativity on the world underneath the guise of marginally cute paper reindeer and felted "snow."
I might be inferior, but I will hide under this imaginary superiority complex for as long as I can.
