I don't know, beer and tiramisu for dinner. I've adopted a strategy of eating all my parents' leftovers for various meals. It's a pretty efficient, cost-effective strategy, but it means I can't be picky about what constitutes the three daily meals. As a notorious breakfast-lover, I've never been too picky about this. Unfortunately, none of the meals that come my way are breakfast. I got some instant oatmeal the other day, but that's not really what I'm talking about. But, as people who have probably actually had to suffer a little have noted, out of adversary comes innovation, which allows me the creativity to toss everything my parents have eaten in the last week into a pot and eat it for three meals a day. I've discovered that chili and spaghetti are pretty much the same thing, plus or minus a beer sauce. I've eaten some version of this meal for every meal except lunch for the past week. I've dipped chips, pita, vegetables, and cheddar bunny crackers in it. I'm not sick of it AT ALL. I'm just glad I can spend my money on important things, like clothes and beer.
Speaking of clothes, I just bought a new blazer, because I'm always looking for new ways to indulge my inner '80's self, and I decided it was time for an upgrade of the little boys' Ralph Lauren one I had in high school. I also bought a Christmas dress, because for some reason, having a new dress for Christmas is a big deal in my family. I've started reading customer reviews on Anthropologie because I've become paranoid about fit as an adult, and all I've learned from doing this is that all women buy things WAY TOO SMALL, and as a result, the provide inadequate advice to other women because they HAVE NO CLUE about how anything is supposed to fit them. I've also learned that the obesity epidemic is clearly made up by the government, because 95% of all women are a size 0, and if they have to size up to a 4, it's because the item is ill-fitting, not because they're huge whales who have been under-sizing themselves their whole lives. I spent weeks obsessing about the sizes of both the dress and the blazer because the customer reviews and blogs could not express enough how small they both ran. After careful consideration of just about everything I will undergo in both of these items, I ordered my regular size. Obviously there is no fit issue, other than the fact that the dress is a little big in the bottom. So, um, women of America, I think you all need to exhale and try a size up. If you aren't willing to do that, keep your body issues to yourself and stop writing damning online reviews. KTHANX.
As a result of this experience, I have been spending a lot of time wondering what these women's jobs are. They seemingly try on clothes and take pictures of themselves in clothes all day long, and when they are not doing this, they are buying more clothes. I mean no disrespect, I'm just curious. Seriously, no hate, I just want to know what they do all day so I can do it too. Some of my most pronounced talents are putting on clothes, having a lot of clothes, and buying new clothes. I might as well get paid for my skillz, no?
