Sometimes I just want to give it all up and shake it in a gold lame bodysuit for the cobrasnake like it’s 2007.
But it isn’t 2007 anymore, and I’m no longer drinking enough to make that behavior acceptable, nor did I move to California to make it perennially acceptable.
My mom saw my ex-boyfriend (from high school! Do those even count, or do they just count as disasters? In any case, he’s my only ex-boyfriend. Holler.) working at the apple store today. See, I was doing that before that was cool. He sold her an iPhone charger and then he embraced her on her way out. My mom would have thought he was being sarcastic, but “I was wearing my workout clothes, and he wanted to talk for a long time.” She told me she wished it had been the one we have a crush on because “he has better tattoos.” I don’t know about that. All I know is that it’s not 2005 anymore.
